Journal Entry: Father Heart of God
October 19, 2020 - January 1, 2030
Journal Entry: Father Heart of God
Friday, January 31
Testimony by David Teo (part two) , 22, North Carolina
“Today was a big one. I came in today nervous that my heart wouldn’t open up when I shared the labels, curses, design issues, family pains, rejections and most of all the skeletons in my closet.
I was scheduled to share second in the group today. But I didn’t feel like my heart was in the right place yet. I was cold. I put on my hoodie, I hid and focused more on talking with God and asking him WHY this was happening. My heart felt attacked by the evil one, where it wasn’t growing soft or aligning with the heart of the Father for this time.
I was frustrated. I was scared that I was going to share, and that nothing would happen because of my un-aligned heart. And my healing was going to be stolen.
My 1 on 1 noticed and came across the room and sat by me, talked to me, and prayed for me. It was good. I didn’t want him to leave. He didn’t.
I got the divine idea to write declarations over myself to combat my fear of this breakthrough being stolen from me (not that it would cease to be available to me even if it were) and re-align my heart and attitudes with Christ. Here they are:
I HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST
I AM A NEW CREATION
I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN
I AM LOVED
THE DEVIL IS A LIAR
HE HAS NO HOLD ON ME
I HAVE BEEN FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT
HE MAKES ME BRAVE
THE DEVIL WILL NOT STEAL MY HEALING AND REVELATIONS – IN JESUS’ NAME.
That did the trick. I stood up and shared. Filled with disgust for myself and overcome with shame, I made confession of all the sins that the devil had been waving in my face for the past months.
Steve Aherne, our speaker for the week, immediately recognized how overcome with shame I was. He told me, “David, you know that you have already been forgiven for all of this stuff, right?”
Me: “uh huhh.”
He told me to stand up and declare that this sin had been forgiven, and that it had no hold over me.
We did the ministry hug and towel thing and I snot-cried, balled my eyes out. Honestly, I don’t remember what he said to me on those two chairs, but I think it was less about what he was saying and more about me experiencing the Father’s heart, and God’s great love for me.
Steve Aherne: “What are you feeling?”
With my head on his shoulder, I saw an image of a prison holding cell. It was lined with rubber; rubber on the walls, floor and ceiling. It even has a drain in the centre of the floor. One of those cells was inside of me, deep in my heart. That cell is where I would keep all the memories of my sin, shame, curses, and labels. And I just see Jesus pressure washing the walls, floor and ceilings and all of those things running down into that drain. Then He steps out of the room, shuts the door, and the room implodes on itself. That’s gone.
Jaron (my 1 on 1), Adam (one of the school coordinators), and I went into the office next door to talk about what had happened. Adam described a picture to me – holding onto the desire for breakthrough so tightly that it hurts you. The raccoon that puts its hand in the jar to grasp candy, but now that its hand is formed into a fist, it’s too big to take it out of the mouth of the jar. But the raccoon is stubborn. He can’t and won’t let go of the candy. So he is trapped there, grasping the candy, and is bound with his own hand by the very thing he desires so greatly.
I have that tendency….
Jaron: “You are not prideful. You’re not the things you talked about.”
Holy Spirit: “That old man died when he was crucified with Christ.”
Adam: “You’re not fooling me. You think you’re this terrible person who’s done all these shameful things, but I see you for who you really are. You’re not fooling me.”
Holy Spirit: “You came to the right place.”
Adam: “I’m really glad you’re here bro.”
I thought the sinful man was who I really was, but that is a lie. That man who walks out in the “good works which are prepared in advance for you” that is who the true man is.”
If you missed part one of David Teo’s testimonies, here is his revelation of Genuine Worship – what it means to actively chose Jesus and that praising God can be a beautiful sacrifice.
“Being part of the Go Pacific Stream really opened my eyes to experiencing and living in other cultures, particularly that of the Māori and South Pacific. Being able to be so relational with others, a key part of their culture, meant that we could witness God move in peoples’ lives on such a personal level, which has impacted me ever since. It also helped me discover my heart for evangelism, encouraged me to step out in faith, and stirred a passion to share the life-changing love of God I came to know during this time.”
Emma Sear, 19, England
“Being a part of the Pilgrimage Stream impacted my life for the better. Not only did it teach me how to function in a small community (as we shared the burden of climbing those mountains together), but also how to rely on one another, have fun and worship together, and, most importantly, how to be vulnerable with each other. The focus of our Stream taught me what it looks like to be on a pilgrimage for God. God calls us out of our homes to the wilderness, where we’ll see Him face-to-face, and are forced to fully depend on Him before we receive His inheritance.”
Harty Dumalagan, 21, B.C. Canada
“At the beginning of the DTS I did not believe in the power of prayer neither did I believe that God even heard my prayers. By the end of it I had no doubt in my mind at all that we have a Father in heaven who always bends His ear to us when we speak and that when we pray in the name of Jesus miracles will be birthed by our words and God’s power.”
Calvin Joubert, 20, South Africa
“Through prayer and passion stream, I was able to see how prayer could be a place of so much intimacy with God. Finding my secret place with Him allowed me to fall in love again with His beauty and goodness. At the same time, God revealed to me the secrets of His heart- how He saw me and how He saw the world. It’s such a privilege to know that there’s a big God up there who trust us and partners with us to bring the kingdom of heaven down on to earth through our prayers!!! And never once did He let me down.”
Jesse Chua, 22, Singapore
“The Justice Movement Stream taught me to truly fall in love with and respect other cultures and people groups, and how to see them as God sees them.”
Kasandra Adler, 19, Missouri, USA
“Doing a DTS and being part of the worship stream was absolutely life changing for me. God took me from a luke-warm, passive, prideful faith, to an authentic passionate relationship with Him. As he revealed His worthiness to me, I learned to let go of everything in this world and cling to Him; to allow myself to be undone in His presence.”
Lauren Balzer, 18, BC Canada
“Coming into the medical compassion stream, I thought it would just be an addition to my medical experience. But after laying down my expectations I was able to grasp the essence of compassion through ministry, experiencing a new perspective on medicine. Choosing to serve in love, and taking the time to seek out and care for the one who need it most.”
Yekaterina Lukyanchina, 20, Russia/America
“Before I did the Go Pacific DTS, I was expecting the Lord to do a lot of amazing things through me; and He did. However, I never expected Him to do so much work in my own heart. I drew a lot closer to God, experienced freedom, and I learned to believe in the ‘Jonas’ that He says I am. My relationship with God has become deeper and more serious, but at the same time it has become more fun and casual.”
Jonas Sørensen, 21, Denmark
“Upon first coming to DTS, I had settled for a mundane and ordinary life. But over time, He has captured my heart and instilled in me a new passion for His purpose. This has given me confident hope that I am worthy of intentionally being part of the greater good.”
Taya Newton, 20, Alberta, Canada
“Reading the whole Bible was a real challenge for me, but it was so rewarding. My eyes were opened to the fact that Jesus had existed from the very beginning and that God’s gracious heart always was and is the same! I learned that the Bible isn’t just a story about God, but rather a story about imperfect, raw, real people. I know now that I am one of them, and that I can see God work in my life just like He did it with them!”
Jenny Fritz, 19, Germany