Journal Entry: Father Heart of God
October 19, 2020 - January 1, 2030
Journal Entry: Father Heart of God
Friday, January 31
Testimony by David Teo (part two) , 22, North Carolina
“Today was a big one. I came in today nervous that my heart wouldn’t open up when I shared the labels, curses, design issues, family pains, rejections and most of all the skeletons in my closet.
I was scheduled to share second in the group today. But I didn’t feel like my heart was in the right place yet. I was cold. I put on my hoodie, I hid and focused more on talking with God and asking him WHY this was happening. My heart felt attacked by the evil one, where it wasn’t growing soft or aligning with the heart of the Father for this time.
I was frustrated. I was scared that I was going to share, and that nothing would happen because of my un-aligned heart. And my healing was going to be stolen.
My 1 on 1 noticed and came across the room and sat by me, talked to me, and prayed for me. It was good. I didn’t want him to leave. He didn’t.
I got the divine idea to write declarations over myself to combat my fear of this breakthrough being stolen from me (not that it would cease to be available to me even if it were) and re-align my heart and attitudes with Christ. Here they are:
I HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST
I AM A NEW CREATION
I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN
I AM LOVED
THE DEVIL IS A LIAR
HE HAS NO HOLD ON ME
I HAVE BEEN FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT
HE MAKES ME BRAVE
THE DEVIL WILL NOT STEAL MY HEALING AND REVELATIONS – IN JESUS’ NAME.
That did the trick. I stood up and shared. Filled with disgust for myself and overcome with shame, I made confession of all the sins that the devil had been waving in my face for the past months.
Steve Aherne, our speaker for the week, immediately recognized how overcome with shame I was. He told me, “David, you know that you have already been forgiven for all of this stuff, right?”
Me: “uh huhh.”
He told me to stand up and declare that this sin had been forgiven, and that it had no hold over me.
We did the ministry hug and towel thing and I snot-cried, balled my eyes out. Honestly, I don’t remember what he said to me on those two chairs, but I think it was less about what he was saying and more about me experiencing the Father’s heart, and God’s great love for me.
Steve Aherne: “What are you feeling?”
With my head on his shoulder, I saw an image of a prison holding cell. It was lined with rubber; rubber on the walls, floor and ceiling. It even has a drain in the centre of the floor. One of those cells was inside of me, deep in my heart. That cell is where I would keep all the memories of my sin, shame, curses, and labels. And I just see Jesus pressure washing the walls, floor and ceilings and all of those things running down into that drain. Then He steps out of the room, shuts the door, and the room implodes on itself. That’s gone.
Jaron (my 1 on 1), Adam (one of the school coordinators), and I went into the office next door to talk about what had happened. Adam described a picture to me – holding onto the desire for breakthrough so tightly that it hurts you. The raccoon that puts its hand in the jar to grasp candy, but now that its hand is formed into a fist, it’s too big to take it out of the mouth of the jar. But the raccoon is stubborn. He can’t and won’t let go of the candy. So he is trapped there, grasping the candy, and is bound with his own hand by the very thing he desires so greatly.
I have that tendency….
Jaron: “You are not prideful. You’re not the things you talked about.”
Holy Spirit: “That old man died when he was crucified with Christ.”
Adam: “You’re not fooling me. You think you’re this terrible person who’s done all these shameful things, but I see you for who you really are. You’re not fooling me.”
Holy Spirit: “You came to the right place.”
Adam: “I’m really glad you’re here bro.”
I thought the sinful man was who I really was, but that is a lie. That man who walks out in the “good works which are prepared in advance for you” that is who the true man is.”
If you missed part one of David Teo’s testimonies, here is his revelation of Genuine Worship – what it means to actively chose Jesus and that praising God can be a beautiful sacrifice.
“The Pilgrimage DTS allowed me to take the time I needed to get to know God more and grow closer to Him while spending lots of time in His beautiful creation. God also used the hikes to challenge and encourage me to rely on Him more.”
Colin Berkley, 24. B.C. Canada
“Coming into DTS I already loved and had a heart for worship but over the course of the worship stream I discovered more and more who God was and what HE was and the impact worship has. Finishing DTS my love for God and my heart for worship is bigger than ever before and I found new and deeper intimacy with HIM.”
Andrea Wenger, 24, Switzerland
“Wild at Heart? Yes, of course! But whatever adventure I went for, I wanted to be the one in control. During my DTS, God changed my heart to go wild with Him. I learned to trust in God and that I don’t have to be in charge, as long as I know the One who is!”
Silas Bauer, 21, Germany
“God showed me that true worship always comes out of a place of intimacy and revelation of what Jesus has done for me. I realized that this is were I want to be – sitting at His feet and pouring out my love and affection before Him, because He’s so worthy.”
Julianna Suter, 20, Switzerland
“Before coming to DTS I had a fixed view on what it meant to be a follower of God. Being on the Wild Heart Stream completely demolished every box I put God in and taught me to have reverence for the Lord. I learned that God doesn’t want a slave, he wants a best friend, a daughter and a relationship.”
Jessica Bryant, 19, England
“Being a part of the Pilgrimage Stream impacted my life for the better. Not only did it teach me how to function in a small community (as we shared the burden of climbing those mountains together), but also how to rely on one another, have fun and worship together, and, most importantly, how to be vulnerable with each other. The focus of our Stream taught me what it looks like to be on a pilgrimage for God. God calls us out of our homes to the wilderness, where we’ll see Him face-to-face, and are forced to fully depend on Him before we receive His inheritance.”
Harty Dumalagan, 21, B.C. Canada
“Doing a DTS and being part of the worship stream was absolutely life changing for me. God took me from a luke-warm, passive, prideful faith, to an authentic passionate relationship with Him. As he revealed His worthiness to me, I learned to let go of everything in this world and cling to Him; to allow myself to be undone in His presence.”
Lauren Balzer, 18, BC Canada
“Our DTS was a time set apart to seek God’s face and encounter Him in a completely new way. During those five months, He realigned our heart and mind with His heart and His thoughts for us. We found that to love Him and to sit at the feet of Jesus is the only place we want to be and to live our lives from.”
Emmanuel & Emelie Linder, 28 & 26, Sweden
“This is the craziest stream ever, not just doing fun activities, but the people I was with; they are wild as! Throughout the school, I’ve learned so much from the Bible that doing life with God and living my life on the edge is so much more interesting.”
Mun Hei, 21, Malaysia
“Reading the whole Bible was a real challenge for me, but it was so rewarding. My eyes were opened to the fact that Jesus had existed from the very beginning and that God’s gracious heart always was and is the same! I learned that the Bible isn’t just a story about God, but rather a story about imperfect, raw, real people. I know now that I am one of them, and that I can see God work in my life just like He did it with them!”
Jenny Fritz, 19, Germany